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During my time as a teen in a religious all-girls catholic school, I loved yaoi. I loved drawing my male ocs kissing and in romantic relationships. Sometimes I would write smut too. And I also used to refer to Touhou girls as "lolis" (lots of people did I remember) because they were very cutesy looking. They were like these very pretty dolls! I liked to draw them a lot too (I still do sometimes!). I also adored Zapo from Nitrome's Fault Line, as he was very short and cutesy looking too.
But over time, as I grew older, I started to see more rhetoric online which framed all fujoshis and yaoi as "fetishizing and objectifying gays" and all lolicons and shotacons as being "pedophile creeps". The hate grew much more rampant too, and so to avoid being seen as a "bad" or "problematic" person, I swore off liking yaoi and loli/shota characters. I was around 18/19 or so when I did this.
But now? I'm 25, and as you can see from the stuff I usually make art about, this phase didn't last long (and thank God for that!).
I've grown much more comfortable with being a "proshipper", and I've reclaimed my interest in the same things I tried to swear off. I enjoy writing and drawing smut of cartoon characters a lot. I like researching the effects of fandom policing too, at it helps me to know how to spot said harassment so I can avoid it and enjoy what I like in peace.
And, when I listen to the two songs I'm about to talk about today, I see my experiences with religion and fandom reflected right back at me.
The first song I want to talk about is "Confessions of a Rotten Girl" by Sawtowne. It's about Miku, as a Catholic Highschool girl, trying to pray away her love for yaoi! (It doesn't work out for her lol)
This video is one hell of a blast from the past with all of its 2000's/early 2010's fandom culture references. The nightcore-inspired instrumental with samples from Beethoven songs like "Moonlight Sonata". The yaoi paddle with "SINNER" written on it. The little black book with "Yaoi Note" on the cover. Lemon. The little coloured squares on the chalkboard that look like the rating/archive warnings on AO3.
This feels like one big love letter not only to older fandom culture, but also to the experiences a lot of girls had growing up in religious schools/backgrounds.
When you're a young, impressionable teenager growing up in a religious enviroment, and your only exposure to queerness is usually "this is sinful/gross/not what God intended/you'll go to hell if you like this", then it can be tough grappling with the religious guilt that comes from just liking to watch anime dudes kiss!
I think this song is not only pretty good, but also very powerful, not only for reflecting such experiences, but also for Miku's act of reclaimation for her love of yaoi at the end.
The next song I wanna talk about is "Mimukauwa Nice Try" by NuNuNu. It's a simple song that comes with a very important message: remember to shuffle your cards properly before a game of UNO!
This song has a rather unique, quirky, off-beat sound that very addicting to listen to. I didn't expect to like it so much! It's catchy and playful, but also perfectly compliments the smug, overly confident attitude of this loli Miku, who plays the "Mesugaki/shitty brat" loli trope incredibly well. The animations and visuals are great too! Miku's animations are expressive and bouncy, and I love her design! The evil looking black eyes and white pupils really pop when paired with the cute socks and baggy shirt. The way her voice is tuned here is pretty cool too. Sounds kind of evil with that slight rasp to it. Very charming!
I really enjoy this song and the nice fanart that's been coming out for it, but unfortunately it's hard (at least on the English side of Vocaloid fandom) to find said art without running into tons of virtue signalling hate comments complaining about how "problematic" and "bad" loli is. Meanwhile, much of this same crowd has gone on to praise Confessions of a Rotten Girl, even though Miku in that song is a perverted highschool girl fantasizing about her male classmates and teachers in sexual scenarios.
This was the same kind of rhetoric that initially made me swear off these sort of things, but the difference between now and then is that, well, I'm older now. I got real problems that come from real responsiblities that I gotta focus on. And when you have real responsibilites to deal with, then you start to figure out what a real problem looks like.
Anyways, God bless the freaks and the weirdos. May the puriteens and the faux-progressives never get you down.
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